Careers I am Now Considering

1. Construction Worker. Specifically, the one who holds the STOP sign and alerts oncoming traffic that if they were to proceed past me and my sign they may be in danger. The biggest challenge would be not getting drunk off the power.

2. Waitress. I’m considering moving to a small town, so small that there is only one diner and a lot of interesting locals who eat at it everyday. I imagine myself in a sassy waitress outfit pouring some coffee and greeting people,”Hey Joey, the grilled cheese with the crust cut off coming right up, how’s that infected toe of yours? What did the doctor say?”

3. PoacherI would only poach animals that were going to be captured by city zoos because from my experience, the animals would be better off dead than trapped in a tank or cage with only a wall of plastic separating them from fat America. 

4. Gravedigger. I figure working at night in a cemetery would be spooky and my coworkers might possibly be even spookier. And this appeals to me.

5. Nun. I mean what can REALLY go wrong when The Lord is your boss?

6. Garbage Bin Archivist. A step up from dumpster diving, I would make money off scouring files and archives retrieved from filthy garbage bins for legal reasons.

7. Hand modelMy face might be busted but my hands are kind of lovely.

8. Fortune Cookie Writer. I think the wisdom I’ve acquired from my 23 years would be appreciated by the masses of overweight consumers eating at Panda Express. Ex: “Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outside. Lucky numbers 2 15 3 7”

9. Stand-In Bridesmaid. I’ve always been a friend to the friendless, neurotic and the obsessive compulsive. So why not meet some more friends and help out a poor bride who needs the same number of bridesmaids to groomsmen on her very special day,

10. Bounty Hunter. This job is dangerous and could possibly result in my death, but the pay is  great and I’d be willing to take the gamble.


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