Cheese Bums

I always find myself in alleys feeding bums. It seems as though, as an intern or assistant you will always find yourself ordering food, specifically cheese platters. I’ve learned that in life, if you want to impress someone, nothing will win them over more than offering up a plate of smoked Gouda. I enjoy calling Whole Foods because I get to say in all seriousness “Hello, I need to be connected to your cheese department.” I wonder if I will ever be important enough to have a wide range of flavors, textures, and different forms of a milk based dairy product ordered on my behalf. What confuses me, is what with all the urgency and importance placed on having cheese for important people to eat, the important people never seem to eat it. At the end of every meeting or party I’m always standing alone in the kitchen with an untouched plate of cheese. Luckily, although important people don’t care for cheese, I’ve found that no bum will ever pass up a $70 gourmet cheese plate.

I’ve grown to love ordering this food for important people because I know Ken in the alley will get some fancy snacks, which for him, will provide a meal for the day. A lot of people think bums only want money to buy drugs or booze, and of course they do, but they also are less likely to ignore free food, like the important people do.


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